Allow Your Beauty to Shine Through

Every time you check yourself in the mirror, what do you see?

Is that person looking back smiling ?

Does that person look happy?

How are you treating this person?

Or do you feel you are not good enough and not deserving of love?

These are the questions I have been reflecting on lately whenever I look in the mirror. I am going to be honest with you. Lately, I have been internally criticizing the reflection of myself. I have been comparing her with others over looks, success, etc. And I am beginning to catch myself and being more conscious of these self-deprecating thoughts, and doing my best to consciously replace them with self-loving thoughts and energy. But that has brought me to the question of where is this pattern of focusing and magnifying my perceived flaws rooted from?

I began exploring this with these questions:

Was I constantly scrutinized and criticized by the adults around me as a child?

Was their a specific comment or impactful incident that created neural pathways that transformed my self-perception to be so negative?

Where are these hurtful thoughts coming from??

As I have began reflecting on this and doing this shadow work, I have discovered for myself it has not been a single incident but several small things that have formed into this bully of putting myself down. A lot of my self-criticism is coming from a place of internalized sexist and eurocentric that I have adapted through years social conditioning. So now that I have acknowledged this, it is time for me to let it go! And of course forgive myself for being so mean to myself. What has been helping me is creating this mental diet of complimenting my reflection every single time I look at her no matter what! Things like, “Damn you look so fine today” “Wow, you are stunning!” “You are so very loved.” “ You are an amazing woman and incredibly blessed.” You get the idea. I just shower myself with love, compassion, and nurturing energy as if speaking to a friend or child. Though there are some days when I begin, I feel like I am lying to myself, I have noticed a change in how I feel throughout the day. I am walking more confidently and have this bad bitch energy that had been hiding for so many months during my slump of self-criticism. And more and more its feeling less like a lie and more real. To quote Maddie Perez from Euphoria, “…the thing about confidence is nobody knows if it’s real or not” Fake it til you make it babyyy!

And if this resonates, see this as a sign that it is time to stop abusing your soul and body, right now. Self criticism will never do you any favors. Trust me.

Together, let’s dig deep and unlearn these patterns. Let’s do better, because deep down you know better. And you know what, sometimes other people who have put you down or reaffirmed your own insecurities have/had their own issues of self love and spilled their own emotional posion onto you and it is time to clean that mess up.

Today we will put an end to the self-bullying, and all you will need is a journal and a mirror.

In your journal, free-write for 10 minutes exploring your fears, doubts, shame, etc. Dig into where these feeling come from by asking why do I feel this way? Who influenced this thought? Where do these perceptions come from? This is the time to really be honest and open with yourself and do that shadow-work.

Now with your mirror, look into your eyes and really SEE yourself. YOU know how hard you have been working to be the best you can be. YOU know your long journey of disapproval and disappointment. Is it fair to for you to  treat her badly when she already feels down? Really be present with your self and your reflection, and connect with that person you have been abusing .

Be the best friend that helps you open your heart to more love and happiness and become the person you want to be and truly are.

Embrace the lady in the mirror. It is time to take control of YOU. You are responsible of how you feel about yourself and you cannot truly shine without first accepting and loving YOU.

Assignment today:

Look into the mirror and find 3 physical features you like about yourself and 3 personal qualities you admire about yourself. End this exercise with a smile and gratitude for the seeds you have replanted for yourself.